Today was a fair eating day and I'm one little pound away from hanging up my first empty gallon jug of water (to represent the weight I'm losing) but I got this GIANT dose of motivation and reality from a visit to my mother's apartment.
Mom is on this type of blood thinner to try to ward off a stroke or heart attack. The trouble with it is that she has to be monitored every week with blood work and they change her pills up. Today the doctor did a switch and I had to be the person who went and took out the 1/2 tablet and added others. Confusing stuff to my mom and I'm usually NOT the person who does her pills anymore.
So there I sat at my mom's old kitchen table that her and my dad had in their home that is now home to another family. Mom couldn't live alone in the country when dad passed away and seeing the table at her apartment always makes me sad. There are bits and pieces of her past there that yank memories from me, good and bad, but all pointing to the fact that time doesn't march on, it gallops.
Opening up the pills for the next two weeks I get talked through on the telephone just what I need to do. I sort through her big pill basket and it is shocking as to just how much medicine my mom is taking. Her blood pressure, her heart, her liver, her kidneys, her lungs, so many pills. It is a steady diet that she takes with water three times a day that keeps her going.
Saying nothing about the amount of pills to my mom we make chit-chat. The weather, my grandson (the light of her life too!), planning a night when I actually go and have a sleep-over with her, the weather again and then I leave. Feeling guilty for leaving my mother in this beautiful, new, two-bedroom, handicap equipped apartment with high vaulted ceilings and all the luxuries a person could ask for, but minus the home and family that had always surrounded her life.
As I was driving away I was crying. I'm tearing up now just thinking about how sad life can be. Pills. So many pills. I call my daughter on the phone as I'm driving, trying not to sound like I'm crying. She asks how was Gramma and I tell her about our visit. I tell her about the pills and the huge amount of them. I don't ever want to have a whole basket of pills that I need someone to help lay out in giant pill boxes labeled with the days of the week, so I don't get them confused as I take them.
I tell all of this to my daughter.
Sarah listens. She then tells me that I am doing the right things now. She tells me that I don't smoke. She tells me that I am way more active then I was three years ago. She can tell I'm afraid and there is nothing that anyone, including the people I love the most, can do for me. I have to do this for myself.
Occasionally I will take an aspirin. It is as deep in to the pills as I get and as of just a few months ago, all my numbers were good.
I know what happens to your body when you let it go, don't take care of it, abuse it, overindulge and take living for granted. Pills.
Tonight I will NOT eat anything else. I will plan on a big rainy day indoor walk with my grandson tomorrow. Today we played Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes for 15 minutes and I didn't move nearly as much as I could have.
I don't want my life cut one second shorter then it needs to be because I ate myself to death. I also don't want my days filled with the endless line of pill boxes to help maintain all the things I have done to myself. I KNOW that exercise is the key and I have really got to step my movement game up.
Today was good, tomorrow is going to be better.
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